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Help! My Child Won't go to School

By: Dr. Noel Swanson..

"My nine-year old daughter has started to dread going to school. She always has a head or tummy ache, and ends up missing two or three days a week. When I tell her she has to go, she acts as if she's truly afraid, and cries and screams. We don't know what to do."

You have to be firm with her, and not try to just wait it out. If she misses too much school, she will never go back.

At the same time, recognise that her anxiety and distress are genuine. Getting angry at her will not work.

You need to find out what is troubling her. It could be school phobia ( a fear of school), separation anxiety (fear of leaving you or the home) or agoraphobia (fear of crowds and public places). These are all very real disorders.

Talk with her teachers. She might be having trouble on the way to school such as bullying, embarrassment, or abused. These things could also be happening once she gets to school. Identify the problems so that you can work with her on them.

Have her pediatrician examine her. Tell him what's going on so that he can check for serious illness.

Once the doctor has done this, believe him! Do not chase after ever more expensive tests. From this point onwards your assumption is that the child is well and so should be in school. Give her firm and confident reassurance that both she and you will be fine when she is there. If she complains again of being unwell you then have two options:

The first is that you insist that she go to school unless there is clear, measurable, evidence that she is sick, for example having a temperature, obvious diarrhoea and vomiting, etc. Just "feeling unwell" is not enough to miss school, after all, many adults have to go to work with headaches or other symptoms.

Option two is to believe what she says. If she claims to be too sick to attend school, then she is too sick to be up at home. Make sure she gets into bed. Turn off the lights, close the curtains, don't let her watch TV and don't bring her any snacks. Just maintain your daily routine. Make staying home a complete bore. If she isn't asleep then she could be doing her homework. She definitely shouldn't have friends visit.

Along with this, set up clear incentives (rewards, privileges) for getting to school.

Resolve to stick to your guns, but do it calmly. Make it known that you expect her to attend school but don't fight with her. Your goal is to make her want to go, and soon. As soon as she goes and learns that both of you are doing fine while she is there, then her depression and anxiety should go away.

If none of this works, or if you are concerned about a serious depression or anxiety disorder, seek professional help through your family doctor.

Article Source: http://www.simplepetcare.com/pet-articles

Dr. Noel Swanson is a child psychiatrist who specializes in child behaviour problems. He writes for a fascinating website with lots of parenting help that is well worth a visit, not to mention his must-read book, The GOOD CHILD Guide.
Click here for other unique parenting articles.

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