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How to Handle a Toddler

By: Dr. Noel Swanson

2 year olds. Don't you just love 'em? Especially when they are rolling around the floor having a good old tantrum. So, are there any tips for making the terrible twos a little less terrible?

First of all, don't be fooled by them! Just because they are little, just because they don't talk well, and haven't been around too long, doesn't meant they don't know exactly how to manipulate you to get what they want! Just like anyone else, whatever the age, they will do their best to get the things that they want. And if throwing a temper tantrum or whining, or any other such behavior works to get you to see things their way, then of course they will do it!

So, the best way to deal with them is to play the game by their rules: Treat them as you would treat an older child. Here are the basics:

A. you need to be clear about what behaviors you will accept or not accept. Don't take on a battle if it really isn't important.

B. Talk straight in simple language. Say what you mean, but say it effectively, but don’t go on repeating it. Once you have made it clear, stick by it.

C. Once you have done that, then follow it up with action,

D. Another very effective way of getting across something to your two-year-old darling is to use what I call a ‘manners chair’. This is how it works:

Buy a small child's chair and put it in a corner in the room. Whenever your child disobeys your clear instructions purposefully, send him/her to sit in the chair. Use the same words every time you send the child to the chair, so that the chair becomes a reformatory of sorts. For instance, you can say, ‘You seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again.’

When the child obeys you and does what you have said, it is evidence enough that he has found his manners. Get busy doing your chores and don’t pay attention to his whining. This will serve a double purpose. You can spend the time catching up with work and he will learn something new.

Some children are very sensitive. So, instead of making it sound like a punishment, you can make it light and playful by offering to help your child to find his manners again. Look under the chair, or in his pockets, or even in the shoes. This is a smart way of taking their attention away from whining to a more positive attitude. This also saves you the need to shout and be heard. Most children find the manners quite quickly.

After this little game, you can bring them back to the instruction you had earlier given and get that done whether it is finishing the meal or apologizing to the sister for thumping her!

Unlike with normal time-out (where it is a clear connection with bad behavior = miss out on fun by being in time out), with the manners chair you CAN ask them to apologize, or otherwise revisit the incident, since the evidence of them having found their manners is a return of compliant polite behavior. If they still refuse, then they clearly didn't find their manners, so they need to go back to the manners chair and have another look.

There is a danger that this in itself can become too much of a game for them since they get a lot of attention from you when you are helping them to find their manners. You will need to strike the right balance between "time-out" ie ignoring them, and a bit of assistance (since they are young, and this is all new to them).

This will help you in more ways than one. You won’t start yelling and losing your temper, which only exposes your weakness to them. And, it helps to put an end to inappropriate behavior. Make sure you remain calm and positive. Let the child feel that you care a lot but there are certain things not admissible, and such acts of misbehavior are an aberration that can be easily corrected to get back to normal life.

One of the most difficult situations parents face is when your child misbehaves in public. Here too, follow the same rule as everywhere else: say what you mean, and follow up with action.

You can use one of these three options in public: 1. Take your child in a corner and do a kind of "manners chair" by saying that all activity will be suspended until he has found his manners.

2. Take him out and do the ‘manners chair’ in the car. You can stay out and look away while he tries to find his manners. Don’t shout and scream and don’t lose patience. Above all, don’t get into a discussion till the manners have been found.

3. If none of this works cancel the outing and go home and do the manners chair at home.

You will only have to do this a few times before they get the message that you mean business in public just as you do at home. While doing all of this, remember to stay calm and in control. Getting into a lather about it all will just make things worse rather than better.

All this is based on the foundational principles in my book, which can help you handle your toddler positively and pleasantly and save you the guilt of losing it once again.

Article Source: http://www.simplepetcare.com/pet-articles

Go over to Dr. Noel Swanson's website for more expert parenting advice. Also make sure you also get his book The GOOD CHILD Guide - it really is a must-buy for every parent. Visit here for more parenting articles.
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