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Parenting – Bedtime Woes

By: Dr. Noel Swanson.

It is often difficult to get your child to go to bed for two reasons. One, the child is in no mood to give up the activity and go to the quiet lonely bedroom and be deprived of the fun. Secondly, by the end of the day you are so tired that you long for some quiet moments all to yourself. Both of you are justified and that is where the clash of interest begins. The result is your child throws up a tantrum or comes up with some demand or the other that can postpone bedtime.

But it seems that over a third of children refuse to go to bed before their parents!

If you are one of the parents of such children for whom getting your child to go to bed is an arduous task, here are some tips that can help:

First, you need to establish how much sleep they actually need. Most children under 12 need about 10 to 12 hours sleep (the younger they are, the more they need). However, some kids just seem to need very little. If that is the case with yours, ie, they genuinely function well on, say, 6 or 8 hours sleep, there is just no point fighting with them to go to bed 4 hours before they need to - all that will happen is they get up four hours earlier and wake you up then, instead!

Once you have established a reasonably bedtime, you then need to decide that you are going to stick to it! Kids will exploit any weakness. If they see a chance to manipulate you into giving them an extra hour they will use any and every tactic they can think of to wrangle that from you: they will ask for a drink, say they are scared, need to pee, ask a question, anything, in fact, that might get you to feel guilty or sorry for them so that they can either stay up later, get more attention, or get to sleep in your bed. Don't give in.

If you have set the rules clearly, make sure you adhere to them. Establish a bedtime routine. It’s more important for the younger ones. You will need to start much before the target bedtime and lead them through changing clothes, doing teeth and bathroom, reading a story and so on. It pays to give them your full attention during this routine.

The last step of the routine is to put the lights out. You will face strong opposition to it. Be prepared for it, but remain firm and calm. You can allow minor concessions such as leaving the door open or a night-light on if they need that. To soothe the nerves of your child, you could also put on some soft music if that helps.

Now it is crunch time. What do you do if they then get out of bed, or call for your attention? The trick here is to reassure them if they genuinely need that, without giving them so much attention that it reinforces their getting-out-of-bed behavior.

Children are inventive; they will invent excuses, problems. One way to tackle this is to set a timer and tell them that you will check on them in ten minutes, if they stay in bed. The trick is to begin with a small time and then gradually increase it. Make sure you live by your promise, but don’t overstay. Just come and tuck them in, caress them and leave.

If the child takes very long to sleep you may have to repeat this routine twice or thrice till he falls asleep. You can go on increasing the intervals till he is asleep. In the beginning it will involve a lot of work, but if you do this consistently then they will learn to stay in bed and it will become part of the daily routine.

Remember to be positive by praising your child for staying quietly in bed. Also, be very particular about keeping your promise by going to check exactly at the time fixed. This is where the timer comes in handy.

If they get up before your next check, do the following:

Send him firmly back to bed. No need to shout or get angry, just let it be known that you mean business. Tell him you will come up again but after ten minutes, which will be counted from the beginning. Make your point clear and then ignore him until the time for your next check.

Finally, remember to reward them for success in staying nicely in bed. A star chart or similar works well for this.

Article Source: http://www.simplepetcare.com/pet-articles

Dr. Noel Swanson offers free expert parenting tips & advice on his website - you will also find a free chapter to his highly acclaimed book, the GOOD CHILD Guide. Why not discuss parenting issues with other parents on a parenting forum?
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