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Parenting Tips: Sons Can Be Problems For Single Mum's

By: Dr. Noel Swanson

Q. "I am a single mother with a 7 year old daughter (Caitlin), and two sons (Tom, 9 & Liam, 11). Cait is doing fine, but I am having real problems with the too boys. Tom has learning difficulties at school, but seems to behave fine there. It is when he comes home that we get all the temper tantrums. Liam just seems to hate me. He is always rude, and never shows any affection towards me. Liam's dad never visits, and Tom's dad died when he was a baby. I am so stressed, what am I doing wrong?"

A. I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time with them. Parenting is supposed to be fun! Well, most of the time, anyway.

The first thing you must do is to stop blaming yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, including you, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is the course of action you take from now on.

Remember too that your daughter is fine, so your mothering skills must be on the right track.

It's also great that one of your sons is doing well at school. It's encouraging that he can work there, even with learning problems. You should definitely check in with his school, though, and find out how hard it is for him. It could be that he brings all his troubles home where he can vent his frustrations.

Undoubtedly, both boys are feeling the lack of their fathers. This is a tough situation. It most likely is easier for the youngest one. At least his dad died, and didn't purposely leave him. As for the absent dad, there isn't much you can do except be up-front about it. Don't defend or berate him. If you take his side then your son will feel that you are siding with his "loser dad" and not him. If you say anything negative about him, your son will want to defend his dad.

Remember that you cannot change the children. You can only change yourself. So, in what ways could you be different that would make life more peaceful for yourself? Surprisingly, if you can find ways to be more positive yourself, it will probably result in the kids also being more positive. Conversely, if you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got.

Above all, believe in yourself and your children. Look to the future instead of the past, and decide how you want to be. Think only of the positive, rather than of what you don't want. Instead of worrying, think about the happy outcomes to come. You won't get there in a day, but watch those baby steps. They will add up and take you to your destination. Improvement will take some effort, but so does your present life. You will get there if you remain determined.

Article Source: http://www.simplepetcare.com/pet-articles

Dr. Noel Swanson is a child psychiatrist who specializes in child behavior problems. He writes for a fascinating website with lots of parenting tips that is well worth a visit, as well as his must-read book, The GOOD CHILD Guide.
This article is available as a unique content article with free reprint rights.

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